(SCOFFS) I'm gettin' splinters in my keister!
How come I got stuck sharing a disguise with Groot?
I am Groot.
Because I could only get my hands on four Nova Corps uniforms,
and they don't exactly make them in rodent size.
Just had to go there, didn't ya?
Will you two focus, so we can get the Pandorian crystal we came for?
DRAX: This plan is unethical.
Stealing is for common criminals.
We're not stealing.
We're returning the crystal to its rightful owner.
And by that, I mean the CryptoCube.
So basically, I mean me. (SCREECHING)
Holy Krutack. They got Supergiant.
DRAX: The name seems inaccurate.
Trust me. She's dangerous.
Let me go, Nova Corps scum!
Don't just stand there, corpsmen. Give us a hand, stat!
Titus!
Great.
Just when we get that whack-job space cop off our tails,
we waltz right into his front door.
Actually, he's exactly what I need.
Just act natural and play along.
(SCREAMING) (GRUNTING)
(GROANS) You, activate the force field.
Uh...
What's the holdup? Enter the code!
(GRUNTS)
Dude, sorry. I forgot your name.
Corpsman Titus.
Right. My bad.
Anyway, you got to forgive my partner,
but he hasn't been firin' on all cylinders since,
you know, "The accident."
I suffered no such... (GRUNTS)
(GROWLS)
Are you trying to get us locked up?
I cannot lie. It is dishonorable.
It's called acting.
You mean like a performance?
When I competed in the Galactic Combat Arena,
I used to play the role of a bloodthirsty, relentless barbarian.
Used to?
Exactly. Look, it's not a lie if you believe it.
Just keep telling yourself, "I am Nova Corps."
"We are all Nova Corps."
Yo, Quill. Bad news.
Vault's protected by voiceprint ID.
Not a problem.
(IN TITUS' VOICE) Corpsman Titus.
(CHUCKLES) Recorded him with my helmet.
I told you he was exactly what I need.
I am Nova Corps. We are all Nova Corps.
What the... Mmm-mmm.
I found the locker number you gave me,
but it's secured by a force field.
Disabling it... Now!
DIGITAL VOICE: Holding cells deactivated. (ALARM BLARING)
I am Groot.
Oh, like you never turned off the wrong thing in your life.
(ALARM CONTINUES BLARING)
(YELLS AND GROANS)
(SCREECHING)
Ahhh! (GRUNTS)
What did you do this time?
DRAX: Super. Giant. (GRUNTING)
Now, the name makes sense. (YELLING)
(ALARM CONTINUES BLARING) Supergiant! It's me, Star-Lord.
(GRUNTS)
(YELLING)
(GRUNTING) Let me guess.
Your last interaction did not end well.
(YELLS)
(GROANS)
Okay, listen. I know I should have called,
but what do you say we talk about this like civilized...
I taste blood.
I don't talk to Nova Corps scum!
(YELLS) What? No.
You got it all wrong. (SCREAMING)
I don't work for them.
I am Nova Corps. We are all Nova Corps. No, no, no. No, no, no, no!
Huh? (GRUNTING)
GAMORA: Rocket... I know, I know! I'm working on it!
Ya ain't gonna shut it down
by shushing it, twig-for-brains!
(GRUNTS) (ALARM STOPS)
Don't look so smug.
I'm in.
NOVA CORPSMAN: What are you doing, corpsman?
This area is for authorized personnel only!
Lucky for me, I am authorized.
Under whose orders?
(SIGHS)
(GRUNTING)
(GRUNTS)
ROCKET: Wanna dance, tiny?
Let's dance. I am Groot!
(GASPING)
(YELLS)
Don't look.
(RAPID GUNFIRE)
(GRUNTING)
(GRUNTS)
(GRUNTING AND YELLING)
(YELLING AND GRUNTING)
(GRUNTS) (GASPS)
(SIGHS) You're welcome.
Quill, what is it with your ex-girlfriends?
Beats me.
I hate to break this to you, Romeo,
but she just did.
We done here?
Good to go.
Just so you know, "technically,"
she broke up with me.
Shocking.
(SIGHS)
(GRUNTING)
Quill.
(ALARM BLARING)
OFFICER ON RADIO: Patrol Ship 619, this is Tower Control. (GASPS)
We do not have you cleared for takeoff.
Uh, Tower, in case you haven't noticed,
there's been a major security breach.
Corpsman Titus has ordered us to conduct an aerial search for the intruders.
Six-one-niner out.
(GROWLING)
(GRUNTING)
I am Groot.
Hey, I warned you a zillion times, pal.
Stick a branch where it don't belong, you're gonna get the claws.
(ELECTRONIC CHIRPING) Aw, great.
Now, I can't get the stupid cloaking field to turn off!
Really? 'Cause you didn't have any trouble turning off
the holding cell force fields back there.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like I'm the only one who screwed up.
He is correct.
Your history with the size-shifting female did not help matters.
Everything was under control until you pulled that
"We are all Nova Corps" routine.
I was only doing what you advised...
Believing the lie to be true.
It's called acting.
You turn it on, you turn it off.
I'm not equipped with such a switch.
Enough!
We've got what we came for. That's all that matters.
This is the last one, people.
We finally have a complete map to the Cosmic Seed.
And just maybe... OFFICER: Nova Corps Control to Patrol Ship 619.
We've received a mayday call from a civilian airship going down in your sector.
Immediate assistance is required.
Seriously? I'm trying to have a moment here.
We're still showing up on radar as a Nova Corps patrol ship.
(BOTH GASP)
Patrol Ship, do you read?
Okay, look. It's not our problem.
Nova Corps will handle it.
I am Nova Corps! We are all Nova Corps!
Stop! ROCKET: No, no, no, no!
PETER: Drax! (GRUNTS)
(GRUNTING)
(ALARM BLARING)
(ALIENS YELLING)
(SCREAMING) (GRUNTING)
Hey, genius, maybe you can survive the fall, but your cargo can't.
And you forgot Mom and Dad.
(CREAKING)
(ALL YELLING)
(GRUNTING) Ow!
I am Groot! (CREAKING CONTINUES)
Root up, bud! We're workin' on it!
Retro rockets on full!
(STRAINING)
(CROWD GASPING)
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
(BOTH SHOUTING)
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
I am Nova Corps.
We are all Nova Corps.
Seriously, if you say that one more time...
You know, I thought I knew everyone in the corps.
Don't. I'll handle this.
How many times have I heard that before?
(WITH ACCENT) Greetings.
We are exchange recruits from a distant galaxy.
Well, finally got that stinkin' cloak to turn off.
You're welcome.
And you are busted.
Huh? (NERVOUS CHUCKLE)
Hey, hey, hey. Easy with that.
You break it, I break you.
You sure you want to threaten me after that stunt you pulled today?
You mean the stunt that saved innocent lives?
You know, the way I see it, you should be giving us a medal for that rescue.
An official commendation would look good on my record.
Dude, how many times I gotta tell you?
You're not Nova Corps!
Which means I got you on breaking and entering
and impersonating officers.
So you can kiss your expunged criminal records goodbye.
Unless, that is, we can work out a deal.
I'm listening.
I need you to infiltrate a gang called the Black Order.
Your friend Supergiant's a member,
so that ought to give you an "in."
Right. Because she seemed so happy to see him last time?
The Order is trying to unload an extremely powerful
and dangerous weapon on the black market.
Nova Corps needs to know where it is and seize it
before it falls into the wrong hands.
If it's such a big honkin' deal,
why not send your own goon... Guy!
Because the Black Order would sniff out real Nova Corps in a heartbeat.
(GRUNTS) But, hey, it's your call.
I mean, what's a few years in Kyln prison?
I'm sure you got loads of "friends" there
who'll be only too happy to see you.
Fine. You got a deal.
(ELECTRONIC CHIRPING)
Uh-uh-uh.
You get your toys back after the mission.
This'll track your position.
Just signal me when you got a line on the goods.
So where do we start?
In a very bad place.
(WIND WHOOSHING)
Don't forget. We're going undercover as criminals this time.
This is a disgrace to my family name.
It's just another "performance."
And if we pull it off, you'll be doing good.
Just remember... You hate Nova Corps.
We all hate Nova Corps.
(ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING) (PATRONS CHATTERING)
(GRUNTS) And stay out!
Take a load off. I'm going solo.
The Black Order, am I right?
Of course, you probably already know who I am.
Name's Star-Lord.
ALL: Who?
(CHUCKLES) Never gets old.
Let's cut to the chase, shall we? (COCKS WEAPON)
'Cause I got a little business proposition that's right up your alley.
You want to hand me your weapon.
Uh, that part of the plan?
Is there ever a plan?
How'd you do that?
It's a gift. The power to persuade the weak-minded.
Hey! There is something you wish to confess.
Shya, like I'm gonna tell you
that I'm secretly working undercover for Nova Corps.
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, come on!
And?
(GASPS)
Your head is next.
Not yet.
He could prove to be of value.
Hmm, seems highly unlikely.
More double agents?
Nice try, but I was trained by Thanos
to resist stronger mind control than yours.
And I got my own methodology.
The sustained rate of fire for the Mark III Proton Cannon
is 4.6 discharges per second!
I am Groot.
Surely you have something to confess.
I hate Nova Corps.
We all hate Nova Corps! (GASPS)
(GRUNTING)
(QUIETLY) I'm acting. Make your pain convincing.
(GROANS) Too convincing. Too convincing!
You will tell me who they are.
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
GAMORA: Supergiant was right.
You guys got some real trust issues.
What do you know of Supergiant?
Sweet kid. Met her in lockup
right before we got released.
Word on the cellblock was Nova Corps was planning
to use an informant to infiltrate your gangs,
so she asked us to warn you.
And deliver a message about moving a certain package,
which you might want to do pronto.
'Cause that beacon may be toast,
but I'm bettin' they already got your position.
(GUARDIANS GRUNTING)
Your assistance is greatly appreciated.
Assistance? We're breakin' our tails here.
Oh, this crystal better have been worth it, Quill.
(SCOFFS) Come on, Mom.
(YAWNS) Just five minutes more.
No. (GRUNTS) Get out of my head!
(YELLING) We're all working for Nova Corps!
Yeah, I get it, okay? Weak-minded!
I busted my hump for a stinkin' hammer?
That's not just any hammer.
It is Ronan the Accuser's universal weapon.
All right.
Pretty much all that was left of Ronan after we got through with him.
Thanos is awaiting delivery.
We must go. Now.
But there is one last thing...
Your demise.
Come on! You're not seriously gonna take that idiot's word over ours?p it.
His brain's hardly a reliable source.
We all hate Nova Corps.
(GRUNTING)
(ROARING)
Now is the time to make yourself useful.
Attack them!
(GROWLS)
(BOTH GRUNT)
Resist the mind control.
I do not want to harm you!
So don't!
(GRUNTING)
(GRUNTS)
(YELLING)
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(BOTH STRAINING)
(GRUNTS)
Finish him!
You will pull the trigger. You cannot resist.
Do it. (STRAINING)
This kind of acting is unacceptable, Quill!
I am Groot!
(GRUNTING)
Took you long enough. Instead of arresting them,
I say you blast these flargs to bits!
Or I could annihilate every one of you
and keep the universal weapon for myself.
So this whole thing was a setup.
Took you lowlifes long enough to figure it out.
I am Groot.
Now, don't jump to conclusions.
Titus ain't a bad cop.
He's a lyin', thievin' corrupt cop!
I take it back. You're worse than lowlifes.
You're lowlifes who want to be heroes.
That's why it was so easy to make you do my dirty work.
I just had to keep playing "tough cop" to make it convincing.
Only I'm through playing.
(GRUNTING)
(GRUNTS)
(GASPS)
(YELLING AND GRUNTING)
(GRUNTING)
When I'm done here, I am gonna hurt you.
I would expect no less.
(GRUNTS) (GROANS)
(RAPID GUNFIRE)
(GRUNTING)
(GROWLS)
I'd thank ya, but then I'd have to look at ya. Ew!
(GRUNTING)
Yo! (WHISTLES) Grim Reaper!
What say we keep Kitty distracted
whilst Wrinkles puts the whammy on him?
(RAPID GUNFIRE)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
You will give me the universal weapon.
(GROANING)
(GRUNTS)
(RAPID GUNFIRE)
(TITUS GRUNTS) (GROANING)
(GRUNTING)
You are Nova Corps.
This is an insult to your oath.
Just words and a uniform.
I joined Nova Corps to make some units on the black market.
The Collector's gonna pay me a fortune for this.
PETER: And you think we're lowlifes?
(BEEPS)
TITUS ON RECORDING: I joined Nova Corps to make some units on the black market.
That's right, pal. I was just playin' possum.
How do you like me now, control freak?
I got him to give all that up with my weak little mind.
Clever. Too bad you won't live long enough
for anyone at Nova Corps to hear it.
Did I mention this baby doesn't just record?
It broadcasts, too.
Meaning, your bosses back at HQ have already got it
and are probably on their way here right now.
(ROARS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Come on. That the best you got?
(GRUNTING)
You may be the Hammer-Man, but you still can't touch this.
(ROARING)
(GRUNTS) Whoa!
(YELLS)
I am Drax the Destroyer!
Good idea. Stick with what you know.
ROCKET: All that playacting, and what do we get?
Our own stuff back from Titus.
Oh, and the one lousy crystal that started the whole mess.
Well, seeing as how we don't know who we can trust in Nova Corps,
who will be here any second,
we should add one universal weapon to our haul.
(GRUNTING) You will regret this, Quill!
Get your hands... (GRUNTS)
PETER: Now, as I was saying before we were so rudely interrupted...
We finally have a complete map to the Cosmic Seed,
and just maybe...
The key to saving the entire universe.
Have to say, Quill, it was impressive
how you beat that mind control just in time to nail Titus.
Nah. I kicked it way before that.
DRAX: How much before?
Surely it was after you fired upon me.
Nope. That was all me. It's called acting.
And payback.
Quill!
You're just acting now, right, Drax?
Drax? Drax! (YELLING)
PETER: Okay, help! And scene!